11 steps to make friends

​Recently a reader mailed me that she is having trouble in being socially envolved and making friend. Well here’s what happened with me-me-

I was a introvert in my young teen, but soon enough i realized that’s not how i want me to be.

I had a problem with making friends. I had very few friends. They often told me to go to social gathering, talk to people, etc. But i never got the pitch to do it.

One day i thought to change it and started talking to stranger in one-to-one conversation and it worked.

Here is the guide to do it

1. Say the magic word: “Hi.”

It sounds so obvious, but it’s the first big barrier. You have to be willing to put yourself out there to start a conversation.

I noticed that people are welcoming after you break the ice. It’s not something that everyone wants to do because it takes some courage to go up to someone you’ve never met before and start a conversation. However, more people are welcoming than we generally expect. When you encounter someone who isn’t, remember that someone else will be.

2. Detach yourself from the outcome.

When you don’t expect any outcome, you won’t be disappointed or offended if someone doesn’t respond to you.

There’s a difference between perceived outcome and what actually happens. How many times have you worried about a worst- case situation only to find out that it turned out much better than you anticipated?

If I don’t expect any outcome from whatever I’m doing, then I can be in the present moment and adjust accordingly.

3. Tolerate rejection.

If they reject you, it isn’t about you. It’s about where they are at mentally, so don’t take it personally. If they passed up on the opportunity to connect with you, then they missed out on something great.

4. Don’t mind what strangers think.

This is your life, and you have the right to talk to whomever you want to talk to. Not everyone is that open. Allow them to be how they and think how they do, without letting it challenge your courage.

5. If you feel the fear, do it anyway.

One of the best ways to combat the fear is to do it repeatedly. Push through the fear and it will start to feel more natural.

The fear may never fully subside, but if you continue to battle through it, the momentum you create will be more powerful than the remaining fear. For example, when I feel terrified of approaching someone, I think back to a calming moment or a moment that made me laugh. Then, the fear didn’t feel so daunting anymore.

6. Practice.

Don’t worry if you seem a little awkward or aggressive at first. If your intentions are authentic, you will come across that way more and more each time you try.

It’s just like any other skill where it gets easier with practice. A few of my first conversations with strangers felt scary and awkward, but they didn’t do any harm. It made me learn what I needed to work on.

7. Make it about them.

Talk about their interests, opinions, and ideas. Then respond to what they share.

The best way to keep someone interested in a conversation is to show an interest in their life. Everyone likes to talk about themselves. Even if you don’t know a lot about a particular subject, keep asking questions to understand them.

8. Make them laugh.

Laughter makes the conversation fun and joyful. People enjoy talking with others who make them laugh. So get out of your head and don’t take anything too seriously—just have fun with it!

9. Try to discover their core passion.

If you see their eyes light up when they talk about something, ask more questions about that.

If you find a keyword that helps you figure out their interest, try to talk about that. For example, if I asked “How’s the weather?” They say, “It’s nice that it’s foggy since. It’s better to run in it.” Then you can go ahead and talk about running.

10. Go out and smile!

Smiling gives a good first impression. Practice in the mirror. Then smile to the world.

I noticed that people relaxed themselves when I smiled first. When I continued smiling throughout the conversation, they smiled back and really opened themselves up to deeper conversation.

11. Imagine that the other person is already your friend.

This way you’ll treat them that way instead of seeming awkward—and being comfortable around someone is the best way to start a new friendship.

Take a chance today and talk to someone new. When you’re friendly to someone, they’ll most often be friendly back.

Its a world full of  happiness and kindness. Only we make it hard. Simplicity is the key.

Happy days of life

7 Comments Add yours

  1. hi rishi,
    its anjali here..I liked your post , but i have few queries
    i am not an introvert, but still i have very few friends why?
    i love to socialize but no one loves to do so with me why?
    and last one would you mind being blog adviser?


    1. Rishi kinger says:

      Hello anjali, sorry to reply so late.
      1) maybe it more deeper than you think, things like trust, how to talk, what imprent you leave on people etc.

      2) see it work like this, if you find someone interesting you want to interact with them but they might not feel the same for you.(sorry to be blunt but hope you understand)

      3) i really can’t say, i would love to direct you.

      Thanks for the queries. Feel free to ask more.


      1. thank you so much rishi. that’s so nice of you that you are readu=y to take the pain of guiding me. thank you
        yaa I will surely ask you if i am in need.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. rishi please do read my blog and give your valid comments


  2. As an introvert myself, I’d say, some are doable, and some are not. I have a zero sense of humour. I cant tell jokes – I dissect them. On the other hand, to make understand a joke, you will need to dissect it. Got the point? I know, miserable but happy.


  3. this is a great post. Here is to new friendships

    Liked by 1 person

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